Haven't posted here a lot, but I've talked about it a shit ton on AIM with didlz a few times. Gotta agree with what everyone else is saying, and that police report pretty much confirmed it. You are sick and you have done this to yourself. Harder drugs like those can fuck your mind up. Maybe you don't realize that. You need to get help, by yourself if you deem it proper, but help nonetheless friend. We all feel bad having to actively watch you go through this and see what it is doing to you. Yes the only thing we can do is offer advice, and all of that advice is advising you to seek professional help ON YOUR OWN - if you are that afraid of someone leading you to another person specifically who you might think is "in on it." Go a town or two over if you have to. YOU NEED FUCKING HELP DUDE. You are slowly destroying yourself with all of this nonsensical bullshit and driving your condition into worse and worse stages. The fact that you "skim" EVERYONE'S posts lends credence to the fact that as you take in information your disordered brain discards specific information that conflicts with your disorder. There is medicine to help you deal with this grave disorder friend. You just need to find it, and it isn't fucking ecstasy or cocaine or marijuana, its prescribed from a doctor that YOU need to seek out. Get. Fucking. Help.