I need your help, very badly

[Diddlez]

After now reading your entire blog, everything besides the shitty situation you and your family are in seems perfectly normal. I don't know what help you were looking for when you posted this other than support to get better, but that doesn't seem to be the route you want to take. You seem to think you are perfectly ok right now but you very clearly are not. Maybe this whole thing was a troll and you really are fine, but if you seriously believe any of the stuff you wrote in that blog then you really need to find a good psychiatrist and get some help.

[Snooperz]

also why don't you come on MSN anymore?

I don't know I just haven't. I tried logging in with my old account and it doesn't work so you'll have to add me. jordan.bales89@gmail.com

[Spyder]

Not really sure how to respond to this one, other than to say that it looks like textbook schizophrenia to be honest. Reading that your mother is in a similar situation only reinforces this, as schizophrenia tends to run in families and quite often is passed down by a first-degree relative. Also it tends to manifest at around your age. Have you tried LSD before? That tends to open the "flood gates", so to speak, in those already prone to schizophrenia.

I should start by saying that I'm really concerned. One of my friends had schizophrenia in her family. It was passed from her mother to her brother and saw what it did to her family, and opted not to have children out of fear of passing it down. What concerns me is he had a lot of the same stories you do - people watching him and such, lots of very deep conspiracy theories, etc. More concerning yet is that he went off his meds a few years ago, ran away from people who were "following him" (even stole a woman's SUV to get away), and killed himself a few days later. I'm really hoping you're not socially isolated enough to where you think EVERYONE (including us) is in on something and feed you false information purposely, because we have no reason to lie to you (honestly we've been wondering where YOU'VE been). I'm not sure why you think people would want to follow you and do all of the things you've listed - I apologize that I haven't read the entirety of your blog, but I read enough to see that you appear very sick. You read into a lot of things that aren't actually significant. Let me explain my theory to you, because I think you're smart and will most likely at least understand what I'm saying (whether or not you agree). Note that I am not a doctor (obviously) but I do fuck Didlz's mom a lot in a Holiday Inn, which is basically the same thing...

The human mind can only process so much. Think of it as your normal computer system. You have your inputs that allow you to interact outside of the system, temporary memory, long term memory (like a hard disk), and a processor. One of the frustrations with the human brain is that it doesn't work to full capacity - that is to say, the processor is slow and, while being quite amazingly fast and what have you, it cannot process the sheer amount of information your senses (inputs) feed to it (I forget the exact number - something like one bit processed for every one million bits input, maybe even more crazy than that). To deal with this over-abundance of information, there is a filtration between your senses and the part of your brain that focuses on and processes information, otherwise you're prone to being overwhelmed and anxious. After viewing a series of information multiple times, your brain identifies the patterns within and assigns the appropriate response for it. From then on, that activity will be reacted to on a sub-conscious level automatically. A good situation would be driving. At first it's all a little overwhelming as you try to learn what to do in the car, what indicators to watch out for, how others around you drive, etc. Because of this, new drivers tend to be poor because their focus is divided between an overwhelming amount of information. Nothing is prioritized, so they might be focused on how fast they are driving in relation to the current speed limit and not identify that the person in front of them has stopped suddenly. Now, after a period of driving and repetition, patterns are identified and are then focused on less because your sub-conscious reacts automatically and you basically drive in auto-pilot. Eventually something will pop up that is not an identifiable pattern, like a person stopping suddenly in front of you, and you immediately break out of auto-pilot and deal with the problem at hand with full focus. Once the situation is dealt with and things return to normal, regular patterns re-present themselves and you go back into auto-pilot. This is a great evolutionary development, as you're not overwhelmed all the time and thus more likely to be able to respond appropriately and quickly to life-threatening situations.

Does that make sense?

If so - basically what I'm getting to is that your filters are off, much in the way that LSD would turn those same filters off (which is why acid trippers report that they take great pleasure in the mundane, things that we all typically overlook due to filters, like how things are attached and interact with one another - ie: how your fingers "grow" out of your hand) except in essence you're having a permanent, non-psychedelic bad trip. Without those filters, you don't overlook things that simply don't matter - like how there seems to be a lot of Idaho license plates around lately - and instead focus strongly on them. Because you don't understand it's significance (even though there is none), your mind races to link it to something concrete, like how your old boss had an Idaho license plate. From there you manifest scenarios to link everything together in an attempt to make sense of it all - this is called paranoia - like that your boss must've been sent from a military or government base in Idaho to watch you and report on you. In reality, simply put: those license plates don't matter. "Chance" is something that is typically filtered out because it's pattern is not significant to you or your survival, unless your sub-conscious deems it necessary to bring fourth to your conscious processing. Unfortunately you're not filtering that out.

To be honest, I don't believe in the more out-there conspiracies, like "aliens walk among us", but I'm open to many types of conspiracies, especially with factual evidence that continually point to the contrary of just being isolated occurrences, or chance. A good example would be the possibility of alien life visiting our planet. If one or two people fanatically wrote and talked about it, I wouldn't give it much thought. Since so many people (both smart and dumb, government and civilian, rich and poor) have given accounts that are similar, that really lends itself to the idea that they all have some credibility and there is something more than is currently known by the public at large. I myself have seen something strange fly in the sky during the day that struck me as odd (basically it bypassed my typical filter that would point to it just being a plane or balloon because it didn't fit those criteria and was brought to my immediate attention) but I didn't think much of it until others in the area also mentioned how odd it was. Was it alien craft? Maybe. Maybe not. Could have been something I just haven't seen before, like an experimental aircraft. Outside of this kind of conspiracy, I'm MUCH more convinced in corporations having a huge influence over America and American politics. However, I can't say I've ever felt that someone is watching me or wants me to have a psychological breakdown for whatever reason. My point here is that I'm not anti-conspiracy and if I felt the events you talk about had credence I would easily tell you so. Even if I thought 90% of what you've experienced is self-manifested but 10% might be something more, I WOULD TELL YOU SO. Here I'm afraid I don't

I would say try the treatment your doctors have prescribed you and see how you feel. It couldn't hurt, that's for sure. Everything just points to psychedelic, and I mean EVERYTHING. From delusional sightings ("someone was running around my backyard at night" - when this could've easily just been anything else, or nothing at all), delusional memories ("People in the cars around me looked very stressed like they didn't know what was going to happen (they started grabbing the back of their neck with their elbows in the air, looking towards my step-dad's house)." - this is just fucking crazy to think about, like a horror movie, and I don't think it really happened - you may have seen one person relaxing like this and your memories have blended together because your brain is over-processing and essentially some memories are corrupted, as in a computer hard drive), so-called 'word salad' (explaining things that have no real connection to anything - like when you talked about how your step-father moved to California and what he went through, which has no significance to anything at all and doesn't relate to any of your more bizarre situations you talk about around that blog post), and pointing towards insignificant information as if to indicate that it links to something else that is significant (like when you post the address of every location you talk about - this is sort of like how schizophrenia was experienced in A Beautiful Mind).

Another thing that doesn't help is that you're socially isolated to a degree in your area. Like you said, everyone you know lives away from you. In LSD, it's been documented that mice who continually dose show more and more signs of schizophrenia due to increased social isolation. Basically that continued overwhelming amount of information to process keeps you from interacting on any level with anyone around you, which leads to depression and more isolation, which leads to worse symptoms of schizophrenia. Basically if you're already prone to schizophrenia, the worst thing you can do is have nobody around you in your life. I'm not sure if we could possibly help you have some sense of normalcy on instant messenger or through this forum though but I would assume it at least wouldn't hurt.

Anyways I've written a lot here - and it may be difficult to digest. If you don't understand anything, feel free to ask for clarification.

[Diddlez]

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[Diddlez]

Snoop friend, I was looking over your blog again and goddamnit this cannot continue any longer. I just got really sad reading some of this shit because it's all pure nonsense and you're trying to connect dots that do not exist. I really think you should check yourself into the hospital for a few days and let them run some tests or something. I know you think are you fine but you're clearly not and at this point we're all concerned for your well being. This all seems to be textbook schizophrenia pal and I really wish you could realize it. I also hope that if you ever have any feelings about taking your own life or the lives of others you will go straight to the police station or hospital.

Regardless of what you decide to do, I sure do hope everything works out for you in the end. I know at some point you will get help, I just hope it is sooner rather than later.

[Spyder]

My phone number is 360-413-1722.

Is this a cell number I could text you at?

I'd feel better if 9mm could meet you at some point and see how you're doing. Pretty concerned atm after reading your blog. I also read a bunch of that site you constantly link to, and let me tell you that it's garbage.

[Snooperz]

Everyone hold up just a minute. And no, I have never taken any hardcore or psychedelic drugs including LSD.

I would like you guys to think about my situation from a different angle for a minute. Let's look at it from two perspectives. Either, I have had a complete psychological breakdown and do have a condition which may be what you guys are calling schizophrenia. Or, for an unknown reason, what I am saying actually has/is happening to me. Let's look at the latter for a second. If this was actually happening to me, the chances of this would be less than that of winning the lottery, am I right? For employees that work for corporations like Target to go out of their way to try and cause a meltdown in one of their employees and risk being sued, the benefit of doing so must be pretty great, right? IF there were some policemen, doctors, bus drivers, construction crew, military families, "average joe's," and the like involved in this, the reason for them doing so would have to be astronomical. The amount of money being spent on something like this would have to be through the roof.

Let's step back and look at the facts. The solid facts that cannot be disputed are that: My step-father learned how to fly planes at a very young age and there was a newspaper article written about him. His parents own acres upon acres of expensive timber property in Yelm. My step-father moved to California after graduating high school for unknown reasons. He then moved back up here and got a job with Boeing and met my mother. After ten years with Boeing he got a job with the Puget Sound Action Team here in Lacey as a computer network administrator. He then got a job for a private contractor on Fort-Lewis also as a computer network administrator. Three years after my parents separated he soon moved into a house on a tiny airport strip, bought one plane and just recently got done building another and has been re-learning to fly.

Now, I'm not trying to sound crazy here and connecting the dots where they don't exist, but can we entertain this for awhile? Our country is broke correct? Our national debt is through the roof and (so I've heard) Apple has more money in the bank than our federal government. Three years ago we elected our first black president and let's not forget that the first would be female president wasn't far behind in the running. This has had to make some people very upset, no? Not only did the republicans lose the White House, but the new president is also black.

All I'm trying to say is that our country is still very young and currently seems to be in a very chaotic state. Let's look at how somebody becomes president here in the US. You announce you're running and have to take large donation after large donation from huge corporations and private companies to be able to campaign across the country, advertise, and win votes. Then, when you become president, you have to keep the promises you made to these people. What would happen if somebody became president without taking donations from anyone? What if somebody was able to get into the White House that was smart, level headed, and didn't have to take bullshit from anyone? What if they wanted to clean house a little bit and get rid of a lot of the crooked people in Washington who deal with lobbyists and the like? That would cause utter chaos no? These huge corporations (Microsoft, Walmart, Exxon Mobile) would no longer have any influence on the laws and regulations that are being passed (or not passed).

What I'm trying to say is that it's healthy to entertain the thought of what would defy basic logic. In that blog I definitely may be connecting the dots where they do not exist sometimes, but I also feel I am connecting the dots in the right places sometimes. I'm one person, I'm 22, and I'm basically shooting in the dark here. All I know is that there is an election right around the corner and when you're trying to figure out "Why" or "Who" it's best to ask the question "Who would benefit the most?" Does that make sense?

[Snooperz]

Is this a cell number I could text you at?

Unfortunately no, it's a land-line. I have a cell phone and plan with Sprint but my bill is now around $800 due to the fact that I purchased a girl a phone and added her to my contract and she was unable to pay her part of it. So I had to cancel her line which resulted in a $200 cancellation fee among other things and long story short I'm unable to pay my bill at the moment.

[Diddlez]

If you realize the odds that this is legitimately happening to you are astronomical, then why do you believe it is happening to you? You have already said that you don't know WHY it's happening, so I'm pretty goddamn confused atm.

[Spyder]

If you realize the odds that this is legitimately happening to you are astronomical, then why do you believe it is happening to you? You have already said that you don't know WHY it's happening, so I'm pretty goddamn confused atm.

This is where I'm at as well. I'm open to your theories and am not ruling out anything you say...I just don't know why a company would want to do that? Or anyone else involved. There's a lot of loose ends involved if they're hiring out a bunch of people to "mob" you and all of that. From what you've said in the last post it sounds like you're wanting to run for office? Is there any reason you think you're a big threat in particular? Any blogs, recordings, or other writings around that would make you a threat to them? Otherwise you would have to think that they have some sort of time machine and are trying to ruin your credibility in your youth so you can't run in the future...which would sound pretty crazy.